What is love? And why do people still fall into infidelity time and time again?

Having worked in a detective agency for many years, we’ve witnessed countless dark sides of human nature—particularly the shocking betrayal in romantic relationships. Roughly 70% of our agency’s cases are related to infidelity. While seasoned investigators have grown used to this, it often leaves newcomers dumbfounded.

What is love? Which is more natural to humans—loyalty or infidelity? Compared to other emotions, is love really nobler? Even Plato pondered love 2,500 years ago, but there’s still no clear answer. People are fascinated by betrayal and continue to fall into the trap of cheating. To protect marriage, laws stipulate monogamy and forbid overly intimate contact with a third party that could harm the spouse. Based on our experience, we’d like to uncover the psychology of infidelity and help prevent tragedy before it happens, so that hard-earned love doesn’t end in heartbreak.

Why Do Men Cheat?

• Lack of Love in Physical Intimacy

  Dissatisfaction in sexual life doesn't just refer to a lack of climax or excitement. Many men feel emotionally neglected when their partners are cold or distant during intimacy. When sex feels one-sided and emotionally unfulfilling, and a seductive woman appears at the right time, it becomes all too easy for men to fall into the warmth of an affair.

• The Mistress Often Admires Him

  According to studies, only about 10% of cheating men say their mistress has a better figure than their wife. This means that most men don’t cheat purely for physical attraction. Instead, they are driven by the desire to feel admired and respected. In the beginning, these feelings came from their wives. But over time, love may fade under the burden of daily life, leading men to seek validation elsewhere—often from someone who looks up to them.

• Seeking the Thrill of the Hunt

  Many men remain faithful before achieving success. But once they do, they may start cheating. Success can inflate their ego and make them crave new excitement, novelty, and sexual experiences—much like a hobby they can now afford to indulge in.

• Seeking Comfort in Times of Failure

  This is the flip side of the "thrill of the hunt." When men experience setbacks in their career, they may fall into emotional slumps. If their wives are unable to offer the comfort they need—due to daily responsibilities or childcare issues—other women can easily step in and become the emotional refuge they seek.

Why Do Women Have Affairs?

• The Stress of Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Conflicts

  Marriage is never just about two people, and neither is marrying into a family a one-person matter. In a patriarchal society, women are often expected to integrate into an unfamiliar family after marriage. When faced with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, a husband's attitude can make a woman question whether her love is still worth it. If the husband continually sides with his mother and acts like a spineless "mama’s boy," it’s no surprise if the wife eventually has an affair.

• Neglect from Their Husbands

  Affairs between men and women are often linked — one leads to the other. As mentioned earlier, when a man becomes successful in his career, he may start seeking validation and expanding his ego outside the home, which often leads to neglecting his family. Of course, women are not blind to this. In such situations, no matter how much a woman loves her home and family, it’s only natural that a sense of resentment might arise. Whether out of revenge or the longing to regain lost affection, an extramarital affair could quietly begin to grow.

• The Desire to Experience Romance

  Day after day, life becomes routine; year after year, the passion fades away. The love between you and your husband might have already transformed into something so unfamiliar it feels more like kinship — or at least you think so, though you’re not entirely sure. All that seems to remain is the shared responsibility of maintaining the household and raising the children. At such a time, if a charming, confident, and cultured man enters your life — someone who talks about poetry, art, and the beauty of life — it can awaken a long-lost sense of romance. Without realizing it, you find yourself irresistibly drawn to him. By the time you look back, you’ll see the flower of love between you and your husband has withered, while a new sapling of affection has quietly sprouted between you and the other man.

• Money and Power

  Money and power symbolize a man's pride and dignity, but they can also deliver a fatal blow to another man. When a woman meets someone wealthier and more powerful, her once ever-present husband begins to seem small in comparison. His achievements and ambitions pale against the dazzling presence of this new man. Competitiveness, ambition, and success are often qualities that attract women to another man. So when she meets someone seemingly superior, it’s only natural for her heart to waver — and for her to start resenting the man by her side, who lacks drive and ambition, and seems content with mediocrity.

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

When a relationship is in trouble, the best solution is open, constructive communication. If you find that talking to each other no longer helps, bringing in a professional third party is often necessary. A counselor can guide you through discussing and resolving problems. Even if only one partner is willing to attend, that’s okay. While it takes two to maintain a relationship, individual counseling can still help you sort out your feelings and problems, and possibly bring your partner into the process later.

What Are the Signs of a Man or Woman Having an Affair?

• Sudden Attention to Personal Appearance

  During a long-term relationship or marriage, things often settle into a dull routine, and both partners gradually stop caring about their appearance. After all, they’ve already seen each other at their best and worst, so the motivation to dress up fades. However, if one day she suddenly starts spending time on makeup every day, or he begins paying special attention to his outfits, buying new clothes and discarding the old ones — that’s the time you should start worrying: is there someone else in the picture?

• Changes in Daily Routine

  If your partner, who used to work regular hours, suddenly claims that the company has new projects or more business, and starts working overtime frequently, it’s worth noting. If someone who usually spends weekends at home, watching TV, resting, and spending time with family, suddenly starts having more social gatherings with "colleagues" and becomes absent from the family more often, it’s time to observe carefully. When someone breaks their regular life pattern, you need to check whether their explanations truly match the reality.

• Frequently Going Out at Night for No Clear Reason

  This sign is more commonly seen when a man is having an affair. Even if the third party knows he already has a family, the longing or the need to assert control over the relationship often leads them to call at night. Even if the husband knows his wife is right beside him, he will still pick up the phone to prevent the affair from escalating or being exposed. If he often talks on the phone alone in another room, or constantly finds excuses to go out at night, these are warning signs you shouldn’t ignore.

• Diminished Quality of Intimacy

  Whether it’s the man or woman who’s cheating, the quality of the couple’s sex life will inevitably decline. It’s similar to eating: if you’ve already eaten your fill elsewhere, you won’t have the appetite for another meal at home. Even if, to avoid suspicion, they force themselves to go through the motions, the act will feel rushed and emotionless. If you suddenly notice the passion is gone from your intimacy, and you no longer feel the love, it’s often a clear indicator of infidelity.

• Carrying Their Phone Everywhere

  In today’s world, smartphones are the most important communication tool — including for contacting an affair partner. Naturally, this essential "bridge" must stay close at hand to prevent the other half from discovering anything. If you notice your partner has become unusually protective of their phone compared to before, or they react strongly when you pick it up casually, that’s a sign to start paying close attention to their behavior.

• A Major Shift in Attitude

  Though both men and women cheat, their post-affair behavior often differs greatly.
  After a woman starts an affair, she usually becomes cold and indifferent toward her partner. She may show impatience when answering your calls, become disinterested in your life, and even stop caring if you go out with other women. In her heart, your place has already been ruthlessly replaced.
  In contrast, when a man cheats, he often overcompensates by becoming unusually gentle and attentive. He might frequently buy gifts or treat you to fancy dinners — things he rarely did before. Sweet talk that used to be rare will suddenly become part of everyday conversation. But even so, you might still sense that something’s off — the love he’s expressing doesn’t feel genuine.

• Becoming Secretive About His Salary

  In most relationships, men usually cover the costs of gifts, dining, and dates. When an affair starts, his expenses naturally spike, so he tends to become secretive about his salary. To cover up this financial discrepancy, he might also offer all sorts of explanations. If you notice this happening, it’s a strong hint that he may be spending significant money on someone else outside the relationship.